Melancholy

Recently I've had upon me an unsettling feeling of sorrow, I don't know where it comes from and even though I have tried to blame some recent events I have concluded that the sadness I feel about other things come from this deeper feeling and not the other way around. Rationally I should be happy now; I'm in a somewhat healthy relationship, work is going OK even if it's not great at the moment, my life is somewhat stead, even my closest friend here has found a happiness that I haven't seen in her for many years and all of this should make me feel happy.

One might think that the passing of my grandmother could cause these blue feelings but I think even death is a sad thing it is in the end always inevitable and in this case it wasn't what you would call unexpected even, I think it can even be rationalized to be a good thing; the end of her pain and suffering (I still miss her though). There are always other causes for grievance; like unstable work causing personal financial instability, but work is getting better, or the loss of something, but only an illusion. There is nothing to explain my recent low mood.

No after rationalizing and over analyzing it as the true Virgo I am a have come to the conclusion that the only reasonable reason is the currently too slow pace of my life; things or not progressing as I had wanted them to and this leaves me with nothing to do a lot of the time, I do kill a lot of time and still manage to procrastinate some things that I have to do, but there are a lot of things that I want to do that I just can't do at the moment. I guess I'm not patient enough and I'm bad at waiting.